The Googegs - Strangers in the World

The Googegs - Strangers in the World

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

I've Lost My Focus

I started this blog in 2008 when we were in the midst of an international adoption.  It wasn't really my idea, I had seen other "adoption journal" blogs. Considering my fondness for writing and the far-flung family members, I thought it would be great fun.  It was great fun.  I was constantly writing blog posts in my head and taking pictures.  Anything funny, humorous or noteworthy would be deemed "blog worthy", even if it never really made it there.  Seven years and two adoption processes completed, I have lost focus.

Every so often I attempt to post a birthday or update or summer highlight, and it falls flat. I struggle with blog worthy items. Quick pictures have gone up on instagram and the deep telling of the story has been left in my heart. To be honest, some of the hesitation is due to the privacy of my children. The process of adoption is fairly safe ground as is the first adjustment period. However, some time down the road and the onion peels back and the deep layers are exposed - These are not necessarily public fodder. If we were all in agreement about sharing the story -- that would be fine, but I have never broached the topic; in some cases we are still wrestling through things.

My desire for my children, well for all of us really, is to gain the victory in Christ over whatever sin sick area the soul suffers in -- adopted or not.  I don't find it blog worthy anymore. There have been mighty struggles in our family and mighty victories and a whole lot of ordinary days and I can't seem to communicate it in a fashion that I deem interesting or purposeful. It's just my family.

At the time I began I was telling our story as we navigated an adoption process and even after as we continued to adjust and adopt again.  I wrote to keep my family updated, I wrote because it was on my heart to write, and it was a good story to tell whether anyone was reading or not. I still have a great desire to write -- and OH there are stories all over the place, but I can't tell them yet.

I have prayed for my writing -- Am I just done? Is there another venue I should be looking at?  Should I just keep writing and not care whether it gets out of a journal or not?  Should I pick a topic say, "homeschooling" and go again? Should I set a self inflicted schedule and just crank out weekly articles?

At this time I have no answers, no focus, just a nebulous idea that I should be writing something somewhere. However, life is busy and I can just keep going and never make time to put words on a page -- It is not hard to just keep zooming.

Sometimes I visit my blog and just remember our family stories and the pictures of the kids when they were so young. I cry and I smile and I generally enjoy myself.  I really wrote it all for me I suppose.  I will write again I believe, here or somewhere.  I am just waiting for the focus.