I have talked about having a child with attachment issues. That kid is one tough cookie to have around. I have never seen so much anger in one so young. The rollercoaster ride runs so high and low so fast, my stomach does leaps. One moment the kid is happy, smilin' and mommying me all over. Then, should I ask the wrong thing, demand the wrong thing, or appear to be in charge, whammo, the anger is sparkin', the words and various objects are probably flying. It is definitely challenging.
However, this is not my first ride on the coaster. If it is so hard, and the road long; and really, we are totally unsure of where we will end up -- why take the road? First, the call of God was on my life to adopt and adopt again. No question that adoption was the Lord's leading. I saw doors open that shouldn't have and doors close that anyone else walked through with ease. His hand was on my back. The call of God is a mighty thing.
Why? Why if I love the Lord, did he not give me an easy child? Why didn't he give me one so young that adoption issues would be more tame? Why didn't he give me a child who readily loved and transferred attachment with ease and after some adjustment, was really just a typical kid? It happens all the time -- why?
The truth is found in the book of Job. "...Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" (Job 2:10). As a parent, do we only give our children things that feel good to them? Don't we occassionally give them a hard or unpleasant task to help them grow and learn? Trouble from the hand of God is spiritual education. My children have certainly taught me patience, creativity and, unbelievably, they have taught me to conquer anger and to find joy.
Prior to having children with issues, I was pretty confident that I could handle things. A problem would arise, and I would work hard and solve it. I am a great researcher and I read a lot. These children left me with nothing, but God. I can remember sitting on the wood floor of my office with the phone in my hand and tears on my cheeks. Jerome leaned over and painfully asked, "Deb, who do you think you are going to call at 10:00pm?"
"I don't know! I love so much, I just don't know how to live with that kid." That was the day I learned how to do it. Leaning on God is my only hope. Job again says, "Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him." (Job 13:15). Some days, things look pretty bleak, yet I hope. My hope has not been shown false. One of my most challenging children is "getting it" and flying on a very healthy path right now. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1 KJV) Faith is a substance; evidence. I have faith and hope. I can't see it right now, but my faith is a real thing; a substance and not only that it is evidence.
I don't ask the "why's" because I got my answer, and it astounded me. Before Job was afflicted with any of his trials, the devil presented himself before the Lord, basically saying that he had been roaming the earth looking for trouble to cause. God's response was "...'Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him, he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil'" (Job 1:8). Job was allowed to receive affliction from the devil, because the Lord found Job worthy. In our world we tend to think that if we are doing fine then the Lord must really be pleased with us and there may be times when that is true, but don't miss this lesson. Job was afflicted because the Lord found him worthy and not just worthy, but above all others.
Challenging children? the Lord found me worthy. And that has made all the difference. I am beyond words. Isaiah 61:3 says, "... and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." I no longer wear my spirit of despair, I am clothed in a garment of praise that the Lord should find me worthy of such a task. Why? Because, "They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." (Isaiah 61:3)