Here's the deal about having a kid with attachment issues -- It is not will we have a good day today, or I hope we don't butt heads today -- it really is, "I wonder where the battle will be today." That kid is going to battle every single day. Some days you will cover the same territory over and over again.
I have to wonder, is it important for me to battle this issue? Usually it is... but it's not. Welcome again to the topsy turvy kingdom. It is important that I remain in charge, which occassionally means I absolutely will win the battle. Other times, I have to not care and I have to REALLY NOT CARE, enough to let that kid do whatever they want in that situation.
Here's what I mean. Right now I have a kid that battles continually over school work. I don't mean whining about homework, I mean battling to the point that if I intend to "win" I may get this kid to do one math problem today. That is an all day sit down in front of the books until school is done battle. So I have decided to REALLY NOT CARE. I put that in capital letters, because deep down inside, don't we all care that our children get a good eduation? However, I must not show any care or concern because I really just don't want to battle. What I want more than anything is a healthy kid that can attach and love and feel and live life as a whole person -- then school or whatever will come later. I put the books away.
The first thing my kid said was, "Can I have my math book now?" I said no. Since it didn't look like there was a fight on the horizon I guess making one was the next best option. The kid proceeded to battle about everything else all day long. I had to work mighty hard to not engage and I really wasn't completely successful.
Living with kids that struggle so, really teaches me a lot about God. John 16:33 tells us that "In this world you will have trouble." As a Christian I should not wake up every morning and expect everything to just flow. God told us not to be surprised, but to arm ourselves with the armor from Ephesians 6 -- the helmet of salvation, the shield of faith, belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness and our feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. The verse that speaks to me most is Ephesians 6:13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
In this world we are expected to armor up for the Lord and then to stand. I love my kid so. I armor up and then I stand. I stand in truth and I stand knowing how much it hurts for this kid to feel true love.
Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me. Amen. (Martin Luther)