First of all, my kids brought home a cute book from the library called Mama One, Mama Two. The story is about a little girl who has to live with Mama two (foster care) until Mama One (birth mom) is better. We talked briefly about how I am some of my kids' "Mama One" and some kids' "Mama Two".
However, I didn't always feel like a good Mama of anything. I was dealing with behaviors and attitudes and would sometimes have good responses and sometimes not so much. I didn't like it when I fell to yelling or was just angry. "Why can't I get thru to this kid? Why don't they get it?" thoughts were running through my brain and I was beginning to wear thin and feel tired.
Then I was privileged to hear this recording on Focus on the Family; a two-day interview with the Barrett family and their experience adopting teenagers. It really encouraged me and let me know that there is hope. Something I should have known from my past experience, but was struggling with anyway. The broadcast re-focused my outlook and let me see where I do it right and where I need to "shore up the wall" so to speak.
Today, I had a bit of a respite by taking Braydon and Wokelle to Braydon's quiz meet. He was busy quizzing and Wokelle was content with his little cars. My mind travelled over the past week in all of its ugliness and struggle. It also re-played all of these subtle messages that had been falling in my lap. I realized that old saying "love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8) is true. The whole verse actually reads, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." I don't believe MY love does a lot of covering, but the Love of God sure does. I long to be obedient to the Lord and I adopted children out of a lvoe that the Lord placed in my heart. He grew them in my heart and there they are all planted. He did a mighty work in the life of Adela and Ricky and indeed our whole family -- not by any great act of mine, but he took my feeble attempts and covered a multitude of my sins to do His work.
When I got home today, the family was working on a collage project of pictures for the top of a desk.
There's quite a bit of work left to be down - but these are old pictures that we haven't looked at for some time.
This corner was in pretty good shape.
As my eyes scanned the memories I was brought up short.
These are the kids I brought home some 8 years ago. It may be hard to see in this picture, but their faces are terrified and their eyes are all but dead.
This is a lot of what we dealt with every day:
But in the course of time, healing has taken place.
I sat on the bed and told my kids, "I've been thinking about the "Mama one, Mama two", remember? I realized something today.. I am not Mama one or Mama two -- I am the last Mama -- the last Mama you will ever need."
I know I will make mistakes and I will certainly never be perfect. Come what may, I will always be here.
He alone is my rock and salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.